Oh Hamburg, how I love thee ...

That's right, I love Hamburg – not the specialism itself and definitely not the courses – but the city itself is pretty cool.

So naturally, since I’m in London, I had to visit. And since I share my birthday with two hugely "influential" members of German pop culture - my home girl from Hamburg, Angie Merkel, and some drunk from Hollywood, David Hasselhoff - I had to go.

Well that, and I needed a good catch-up session with my home girls Nora and Carmel and my French (secretly American!) homeboy Thomas. And the £15 return flight on Ryanair sealed the deal - you know how cheap I can be!

And just like last year's trip, my weekend jaunt to Hamburg involved shopping and Starbucks!

Sadly, it didn't involve the stripper accessories store on the Reeperbahn – you know, I didn't want to step in on someone else's turf because I hate when someone tries to get all up in Paddington and "the other side" of King's Cross!

Stick to your side hunnie!

Anyways, to get there I had to get up early Saturday morning - 2:30am to be exact. That's right, I was up at 2:30am! Looking horrible, feeling horrible, and asking myself why I booked to take a flight that leaves at 6:25am in the morning from Stansted.

I was soooooo tired, but you know me, I'm so efficient that I already had my outfit laid out so that I wouldn't be trying to coordinate colours while half asleep - that'd lead to some crazy clothing combos! And by now we all know about my "look good" flying policy - after all, it's called "a runway" for a reason!

Now let me be honest for a moment - I'm not a huge fan of Stansted Airport. It's kind of blah, but whatever, if it's where I have to go to get a cheap flight, I'm there.

The flight itself was okay, even if Kim and I had a few "arguments" – you know, since we recently got “divorced”. I think she’s still hung up on the collaterized debt obligation issue! It’s not my fault, Goldman Sachs told me they were solid investment choices!

And side note … somehow, I got disinvited from her wedding! I know, shocking!

Seriously though, I really think some of the people on the plane thought we absolutely hated each other. But that's the nature of our relationship – there’s love and there’s “hate”!

*Luv ya longtime Kim!*

So we touched down in fabulous Lubeck airport (did I just say Lubeck airport was fabulous?!) on time. And let’s be honest, the airport is just a converted hanger – it’s very 1940s WWII inspired and I was totally expecting some Luftwaffe memorabilia!

The immigration people loved me, so much that they didn't stamp my passport - I think it's because I called them out for having a racist terrorism-inspired poster. It did lead to some drama when I tried to leave on Sunday though …

Anyways, we hoped on the bus and finally got to Hamburg – and in typical German fashion, the bus driver easily clocked over 120 clicks and we arrived right on time.

After about 10 minutes, Kim and I met up with Carmel and Albana and we headed for Europa Passage and the Starbucks!

I was very happy and celebrated by talking a bit of Deutsch and being all "Ein cafe latte" – then I followed it up by saying "Please, and make it non-fat with a shot of vanilla"!

Another side note: I've decided that my biggest contribution to the EU will be introducing them to my very own language that’s a mash up of English, French, German, and Spanish.

You know, something along the lines of “J’ai am tres Deutsch yet itch can only hablo de la English”

Anyways, now that I’ve offended pretty much everyone, back to my story ...

With a latte in hand, we all ended up chatting for a good 4 hours with Thomas joining in later. We all did a little shopping, but I wasn’t impressed – I missed the sales from last year!

And weirdly though, to use the bathrooms in Europa Passage, you have to pay. First of all, I hate the idea of paying for public bathrooms – I’m cheap you know! – but I grudgingly handed over 50 cents.

Anyways, thankfully since I’m such a good person, my girl Carmel let me stay with her and she lives in a part of Hamburg that’s totally my style – suburban, family-oriented, green, and right near a prison!

Loves it!

We continued our chat/gossip/bitch-out session while Thomas slept and then had pizza – and for those wondering, yes, I did eat! I let myself have a hi-cal weekend (in many ways) before having a lo-cal week!

Sunday, we just hung out at Carmel's place before Kim and Albana came over for a pancake brunch – again with the carbs and calories! Then we decided to walk along the harbour before grabbing a latte and some cake.

Again let me emphasize the hi-cal nature of my weekend!

Anyways, since Monday was my last day, we headed down to Europa Passage to have a latte and catch-up session with my fellow lo-cal German Nora. We were so efficient that we got through tons of gossip – it probably would’ve taken people days, but for us, just under 2 hours!

Of course, I still had shopping to do so I ducked into C&A and shockingly, walked out empty handed. I blame the strong Euro and the weak pound (see, I'm learning!). There just wasn't anything that did it for me – except for a pair of army green Chuck knockoffs that were at least two sizes too big!

So after my C&A disappointment, we walked around some of the Christmas markets before I grabbed my last German Starbucks and headed to the bus station.

But unlike before, this bus left late - it was soooooo un-German really! I mean, where's the efficiency in leaving on time?

And on the bus, there was the weirdest conversation between this British guy and German girl. Let’s just say that in a nutshell, the woman loudly said that she'd have a baby with a man and they didn't have to be in a relationship.

Ummm, hun, have you not seen the baby daddy drama on Maury Povich?

I mean, yes, we can do paternity tests, but this is like abusing the system!

Now of course, it wouldn't be a trip without some sort of drama – this time in the form of immigration officers who didn't believe me when I said that one of their colleagues was incompetent.

Seriously, it's not my fault they didn't stamp my passport. And why are you asking me why the person didn’t stamp my passport?

Ummm, last time I checked, I can't control people's actions – I tried once but then I realized that X-men was fake and that I wasn't a mutant with powers like Jean Grey!

Plus, even with all the proof that I flew into Lubeck, I don’t get why I needed to stand around for 10 minutes – I mean, I’m leaving the EU zone so who cares?

If I’m an illegal, let Britain deal with it!

Thankfully, 10 minutes later they let me through and I didn't want to have to get all ghetto on them! Well that and I didn’t need to name drop that Angie Merkel and I are BFFs!

The flight back was okay and I cleared Stansted easily – easier than Kim in fact – and then found myself back amongst the mayhem that is London.

It felt weird coming back – it doesn’t feel like home so I wasn’t all “Oh, it’s good to be home!”

But I will be saying that in two weeks when I touch down in Pearson, since I’ll officially be back in Toronto on December 18th.

I can’t wait!

Welcome to Brighton .. .now with 50% more family gambling!

So this weekend was my wonderful trip to Brighton with my BFF from the Northwest of the US, Kim. We'd planned it weeks ago because the train tickets were only 4 pounds - and you know how cheap I am!

Okay, so first of all, I had to get up at an ungodly hour on Saturday morning because our train was at 9am. Seriously, I'm definitely not a morning person - I look horrible and frankly, I'm a complete b*tch unless I have a morning Starbucks.

Thankfully, Kim and I made it to Victoria with time to spare - even though half the metro lines were shut down. Seriously, I don't get how London can do that on a weekend - it’s like they put idiots in charge of scheduling metro maintenance.

But anyways, I got my coffee, a tabloid magazine, and I was good to go. Gotta have the essentials when traveling!

The train ride itself was nice and having flown in and out of Gatwick before, it was one that I've taken before so the views were familiar. But the clouds and general grayness of the sky made everything seem extra blah - and gave some of the London architecture a real 60s USSR feel.

An hour later, we get to Brighton and the weather decided it was going to take a turn for the worse - and down came the rain. Kim, being from the Northwest, said we should just walk it anyways - and we made it halfway before taking cover in a store that used the word “sale” veeeeery loosely!

We managed to make it to the hostel, which, despite its appearance and messed up layout, did its job. We ended up in a room with some girls from Australia who were super nice, but didn’t know how to turn the power switch on, couldn’t find the light switch, and believed in using waaaaaay too much hairspray and cheap perfume!

So, after getting settled, we decided to walk to the pier - and I’ll say it right now, it’s no Santa Monica! Then again, I am biased since I'm a Cali Boy at heart!

And because it was raining, none of the rides were opened so we opted to go into the "family amusement" centre. Frankly, it was just an over-glorified casino that catered to kids - and the kid inside each of us!

All in all, it was fun. I won a few tickets at a slot machine and could have won more had I continued to play. I’m just saying that I blame the wife of Joe Sixpack, aka Footie-loving Francine, for stealing my machine!

And don't worry, I didn't have a "Hold my sh*t!" moment - I want notoriety and fame, but not for getting into fights in a children's casino! Yes, even I have standards!

But I will say that I was a little freaked out by how the pier encourages family gambling. Then again, as I say, in today's tough economic times, the family that gambles together, stays together!

So after seeing the pier, we walked through the streets and hit up some of the vintage stores. Some of the streets had a very Venice Beach feel - small streets, artsy shots, and alt. vibe.

Oh, but big news - I finally found TK Maxx, the UK version of TJ Maxx!

But my elation was short lived because I wasn’t impressed! It's really pricey, poorly laid out, and I didn't find any good bargains - except for a pair of black UGG boots that I really wanted, but somehow talked myself out of spending 30 pounds on them!

I know, j'ai am crazy and tres cheap!

Anyways, after having dinner, we discovered that Saturday night also happened to be Brighton's White Out Event - and yes, I had a field day with that event title!

... you know what I say, it's not right if it's not white!

*snap* Yeah, I went there! *snap*

Anyways, we happened to be walking down a street and I saw a runway. Naturally, I stopped and thought "Cue music, lights, camera, action!"

Then I got dragged back to reality when it turns out it was a fashion show for bicycle gear. And since I'm not a cyclist, I wasn't all that interested. Plus, and let me be honest here - then again, when am I not?! - the show wasn't all that great.

The clothes were blah, the hair was some messed-up, teased, back-combed horror show, and the girls just didn't keep it fierce enough!

Well, except for this one black chick. She had it all down, including the fierce walk, and the coordinated swaying arm movement. I was all like, "You go girl!"

Anyways, we went out for a glass of wine afterward and did some major people watching, one of my favourite hobbies. There was definitely some wacked-out fashion on display - like the plus-sized girl who thought she could pull off fierce triangular-shaped shoulder pads, or the guy who thought wearing a skin-tight gold lame bodysuit was actually acceptable!

But whatever … I don’t judge …

Yeah right!

So anyways, our Sunday was pretty relaxed since we took the bus to Lewes, which I read is the oldest town in the United Kingdom. And it definitely had that feel - it was small and charming with cute little shops, including the artisan bakery we had lunch in.

I will say that I did love this one green space that we happened to visit. It wasn’t anything special but I really liked the fact that kids had a nice, enclosed, secure place to play, go wild, and use their imagination. You know, to just be kids - something that I don’t think many can do anymore given our life.

And it's sad that kids don't have the same opportunities that I had to just do random stuff for hours and hours. But I digress - I'll save that rant for a latter time!

Anyways, after taking the train back, we opted to see a movie - I know, how original?!

We ended up seeing Pixar's Up, which, in my opinion, deserves the Oscar for Best Animated Feature - unless Toy Story 3 blows me away!

The storyline was both funny and touching, happy and sad. I thought Pixar did a great job of weaving a story throughout an entire film - and not losing sight of the main themes.

And given what I've been going through recently, it offered a surprisingly new perspective. I won't give away any plot details, but I will say that the ending made me think twice about my goals and that while there's one way to get there, sometimes you've got to have faith that it will all work out - because it just might!

So I definitely recommend Up. And I also recommend having a meal at Wokmania right across from the Odeon in Brighton. It's good food and frankly, you can't get a better Asian buffet for 5 pounds!

Anyways, sadly we left Brighton Monday morning. But not after saying goodbye to the pier.

And let me just say that the rumours are true - Kim and I did get ‘hitched’.


Naturally, we had our marriage annulled a few moments later - she couldn't handle my day (and night time) career!

Of course, during our divorce, when it came to the equitable division of our assets, we both agreed not to pursue the matter. I mean, she didn't want any of my asset-backed collaterized debt obligations and I definitely didn't want any of her credit default swaps. And then when you factored in our combined negative equity, the LIBOR rate and historical dollar exchange rates, it just got too messy!

And as Kim said so eloquently told the divorce judge, you can't split zero in half!

So we celebrated our quickie divorce by having a game of Dance Dance Revolution.

And contrary to what Kim will say, I totally beat her at it - and no, I didn't have to cheat, she just didn't press the button!

Me and my honed dancing ability, and let’s not forget about my exceptional toe point, managed to score a B overall!

Beat that, hun!

*snap*

And yeah, I’m down for a redo - just tell me when and where!

Happy Diwali! ... but again, no gifts!

So on Saturday, a bunch of us went to the Diwali celebrations at BAPS Shri Swaminarayan Mandir temple in Neasden.

First of all, it took forever to get there since it seemed as though half of the metro lines were closed. And of course, it wouldn't be a ride on the metro without seeing some questionable fashion ... like the girl who dressed up as a cracked-out Sailor Moon character and the guy who tried desperately to rock a full-length pleated skirt - with running shoes!

Frankly, it was just all kinds of wrong!

So after transferring a few times, we finally got there and Neasden has a definite suburban feel - it's just missing a huge Wal-Mart/Ikea/restaurant/movie theatre complex!

Well that, a few SUVs and some soccer moms, but we won't get into that now ...

Anyways, going to the temple was definitely an experience - there were no cameras allowed, the interior was quite ornate, we had to take off our shoes, and they even separated the men and the women.

As an outsider, it was really interesting to see - although sadly, I didn't get any gifts!

I did however get to walk across the length of the prayer room with lots of people staring - you know in my head I was thinking it's a runway!

*cue Bollywood music, lights, and a fog machine!*

And since we weren't allowed to take cameras, I could only take photos of the temple from the outside (where it changed colours every few minutes) and the expensive fireworks display that happened after the prayer service.

So enjoy!